Man who hates Doctor Who going to watch every second of it

A MAN who claims to hate Doctor Who is going to spend the evening watching every second of it.

33-year-old fan Joshua Hudson has not enjoyed sitting through an episode of Doctor Who since the one where Peter Capaldi punched a wall, yet he will watch the new series out of a misguided sense of obligation.

Hudson said: “I can’t believe I’m going to be glued to this crap. Nobody’s forcing me to watch it, but once you’ve stupidly built your whole identity around a television show then you don’t have a choice. The die’s been cast.

“I predict it’ll be a formulaic episode where the Doctor and her friends defeat the Cybermen with the help of a famous historical figure like Ted Heath, all while slipping in a clunky political message for the intended audience of children.

“Will I enjoy it? No. Will I do something I actually like with my life? No. Will I record lengthy YouTube videos unpacking everything I hate about the new episode? Too f**king right I will.”

Logging into the Gallifrey Base forum to write a scathing review, he added: “The effects will be terrible, the plot will rely too much on continuity, and the acting will be piss-poor. I hope the BBC never cancels it.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Sexy Professor Chris Whitty: The worst Halloween costumes you'll see this year

IT would not be Halloween without terrible or inappropriate costumes. Here are the worst offenders you’ll see in 2021:

Totally wrong Squid Game costume

People who haven’t seen the smash-hit Netflix series from South Korea will try to look topical by wearing a squid costume and holding a toy gun, which they blindly assume is what the show’s main character looks like. Don’t worry though, hardcore fans dressed up as that creepy red light, green light doll will beat the shit out of these dickheads for you.

Sexy Professor Chris Whitty

Sexy twists on spooky characters are a Halloween staple, so expect to see women doll themselves up as a f**kable zombie version of the Chief Medical Officer. The undead ‘Chris Fitty’ costume will include a latex bald cap and a suit that somehow reveals a generous amount of cleavage, and everyone wearing it will drawl ‘next slide please’ in a creepy yet hot voice. You’ll be disgusted by how much it turns you on.

The lazy parent’s outfit

Traditionally worn by kids who got a last-minute trick-or-treat invite, these costumes will be made from any old crap that happens to be lying around the house. Expect to see lots of children wrapped in toilet paper claiming to be a mummy, and a sad act holding a toilet plunger who says they’re a Dalek. Smart parents will go for Frankenstein’s monster so they can reuse the outfit on World Book Day.

The ‘next James Bond’

This is the lazy costume for adult men who don’t like to look silly. It’s the same old suit they wear to every baptism and funeral service, only this time they say they’re cosplaying as Daniel Craig’s replacement. The effect is somewhat ruined by their bulging beer belly and rudimentary grasp of the Bond films, as evidenced by when they try to order a ‘stirred not shaken’ vodka martini from the bar.

Way too late Trump

The window of opportunity to dress as the Orange One has passed. Show a bit of respect to current US politics and go as the zombie corpse of Joe Biden instead. There’s a decent chance he could keel over in the next day or two anyway, which would really take that costume to the next level.