Man with iconic film posters hasn't seen any of them

A MAN whose flat is full of posters for films like Casablanca and Apocalypse Now has no idea what any of them are actually about, it has emerged.

Office worker Tom Logan feels the posters make him look cultured in a modern way, despite only watching the latest blockbusters containing endless idiotic CGI mayhem.

Logan said: “The woman in Breakfast at Tiffany’s looks shaggable, but it’s clear from the poster she’s not going to get in a giant robot and batter the fuck out of aliens like in Pacific Rim.

“I’m not tempted by Casablanca either because Humphrey Bogart looks like someone’s dad and the clip I saw was just people talking.

“Fuck knows what Rear Window, Dog Day Afternoon and Don’t Look Now are about.

“The original King Kong is more my kind of thing, but special effects weren’t very good in the olden days so I doubt it’s a real classic like Transformers: Age of Extinction.

“I’m going to watch Dawn of the Dead though because Shaun of the Dead was hilarious so I’d like to see the first in the series.”

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Media still unable to find photo of Trump looking even vaguely normal

NEWS outlets are unable to find a picture of Donald Trump where he doesn’t look like an absolute maniac, it has been confirmed.

Every picture taken of Trump, since he rose to fame as a symbol of the eighties’ greed and arrogance, has been deemed to make him look ‘odd at best’, while more recent photos make him look like the end-of-level boss in a Nintendo martial arts game.

News website editor Tom Booker said: “We are constantly accused of bias for making him look ‘like that’.

“But ‘like that’ is what he looks like.”

A White House insider said: “We were hoping that the picture of him holding up a baby when he was running for election would have humanised him but if anything he just looked like he was about to eat the baby.

“Even when he took the oath everyone was still just focused on his tiny hands that are too small to even warrant a weight division in a boxing match.

“There is that picture of him taking the piss out of a disabled journalist. It doesn’t make him look normal but it’s definitely a good representation of him as a person.”