Man’s romantic playlist creates unrealistic expectations for quality of sex he can provide

A HUSBAND’S playlist of erotic mood music promised far more than he was able to deliver, it has emerged.

After including songs from artists such as Barry White, Kendrick Lamar and Donna Summer on a playlist called ‘SHAGGING’, Nathan Muir’s wife confirmed he had set the bar too high for what he was capable of in bed.

Nikki Muir said: “God loves a trier, and Nathan always does his best, but did he really think he had the moves to compete with ‘Gett Off’’? Prince’s voice got me going way more than Nath’s clumsy attempts at talking dirty.

“Things improved a little with ‘Push It’ by Salt-N-Pepa, as it brought a bit of levity to the situation, which was necessary after his embarrassing effort at looking intense and smouldering during Sade’s ‘The Sweetest Taboo’.

“But then he started mumbling along to ‘Justify My Love’. Madonna is excellent at that kind of low, seductive murmuring, whereas Nathan just sounds like he’s trying to recall a shopping list in Tesco.

“And as for putting ‘WAP’ by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion on there, well, that was just stupid. I enjoyed it but Nathan was so intimidated by them that he immediately lost his erection and we had to go downstairs and watch Emmerdale instead.”

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He only sleeps with half his brain at a time: surprising facts about Rishi Sunak

RISHI Sunak is the UK’s prime minister, but who or what is he? Learn all about our universally beloved leader with these strange but true facts.

He only sleeps with half his brain at a time

Just like a dolphin, Rishi Sunak never has a proper sleep. Instead, his brain operates in two shifts and doesn’t fully shut down. This will allow him to tackle his formidable in-tray 24/7 without having to break for a nap. It also helps him evade predators who would otherwise try to eat him as he takes a snooze.

He squirts ink when frightened

When startled or threatened, Rishi Sunak is capable of expelling two gallons of ink from his fluid duct. This obscures the vision of his enemies and allows him to escape to safety, which will come in handy during a heated session of PMQs. In some corners of the world, a vial of this precious ink can fetch thousands of pounds.

He can jump over the Eiffel Tower

Rishi’s a trim chap who likes to exercise, but did you know he’s so fit he can jump over 150 times his own height? This means he could easily clear the Eiffel Tower if he felt like it, but he chooses not to because he’s very shy and train tickets to Paris are pretty pricey.

He can use echolocation

If there’s one person who isn’t worried about the prospect of blackouts, it’s Rishi Sunak. By skilfully bouncing sound waves off surfaces, the prime minister can easily navigate his way through pitch black environments without crashing into a wall or table. If you ask him nicely, maybe he’ll show you how it’s done.

He can memorise an entire phonebook

As well as having many impressive physical attributes, Rishi also has an incredible memory. He entertains his friends and family by reciting the entire BT phonebook for Swindon from 1989, while they marvel at the fact that he can pull off this amazing feat, but wasn’t able to remember not to go to a party during lockdown.