Sunday, 1st November 2020

Memories of brilliant 90s album ruined by listening to it

A MIDDLE-AGED man who decided to treat himself to a listen to his favourite 90s album has discovered it is unlistenable, whiny shit. 

Tom Booker has been boring people since 1995 with claims that Menswear’s debut Nuisance was ‘the defining album of the Britpop era’, but has not listened to it in most of that time.

He said: “I was reminiscing with my old uni mates about the good old days and the subject turned to how brilliant Menswear were when we saw them at Roundhay Park and their classic debut.

“I realised I’d not heard it for ages, that it’d be on Spotify, made myself a cup of tea, put on my headphones and sat down to experience the magic and bring those warm memories flooding back. What a f**k-up that was.

“15 minutes and five songs later, I was sitting with the headphones in my lap, dazed. The album’s mind-numbingly awful, the singer can’t hold a note and the tunes are so simplistic my three year-old sings better in the bath.

“I feel sick. I’ve been living a lie all these years? What else? Is The Usual Suspects bollocks? Are the novels of Irvine Welsh a load of turgid guff?

“I’m now terrified to listen to Elastica or Ash in case their records are horseshit as well.”