Middle-aged man clinging to belief in hoverboards

A 41-YEAR-OLD man still maintains that the hoverboards depicted in the 1989 film Back To The Future II are real.

Tom Logan, who watched the time travel comedy when it was first released, has insisted ever since that the anti-gravity board ridden by Marty McFly was not a special effect.

Logan said: “The hoverboards were prototypes developed by American military scientists. Steven Spielberg got special permission to use them because he was friends with the president.

“They never made them commercially available because the Russians could have taken the technology and used it to make a force field.”

Logan has a friend who claims to know someone who worked on Back To The Future II and had to sign a special secrecy contract about the hoverboards.

He said: “Special effects simply weren’t that convincing in 1989. Seriously, I don’t give a shit if you believe me or not, it’s true.

“It’s the same with the proton packs in Ghostbusters. Real, but too far ahead of their time for the general public.”

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England collapse a relief, say fans

BEING good at cricket just felt dirty and sordid, England fans said this morning.

As England finished the first day with Australia on 273-8, fans were seen skulking in downtown Brisbane self-consciously celebrating in the dimly-lit bars of the infamous Sports Pub district.

England fan Wayne Hayes said: “There was a card in a phone booth offering ‘relaxing cricket boasting’ and before I knew it I was screaming ‘The finest team the world has ever SEEN’ with a bunch of men whose names I didn’t even know.

“The next morning all I could think about was what I was going to tell my wife when I got home. What if a photo of me smiling and looking confident got back to her?

“But today’s performance has proven what I knew in my heart all along – I’m a misery man and proud of it.”

In Australia, where being good at sport has been legal since 1969, revelling in victory is considered socially acceptable and many well-known Australians have been photographed openly enjoying watching cricket in public.

Hayes said: “After my experimentation the other night I know this makes me a hypocrite but if any of my kids came home one day and said they’d fallen for Barcelona I’d disown them.”