MPs open ‘House of Showbiz’

A THIRD house of Parliament dedicated to showbiz and razzle-dazzle has been unveiled.

The new chamber combines a theatre space,  TV production facilities and ‘tropical-themed VIP autograph lounge’.

Project leader Nadine Dorries promises a range of entertainment output, although George Galloway’s propsoal to ‘do some porno’ with Rula Lenska has been ruled out.

She said: “A House of Showbiz would let us get famous on our our terms, instead of going on I’m a Celebrity to drink crocodile spunk.

“We’ve already had a lot of interest in our talent show format, Prime MiniSTARS. Theresa May will perform as Roxy from Chicago, and Austin Mitchell claims he can play the spoons.

“There’ll also be a panel show, Parliamentalists, where MPs who think they’re funny get completely out of their depth when surrounded by professional comedians.

“In the pilot, David Cameron laughs along pathetically while Frankie Boyle asks if he’d like to be fisted by Benjamin Disraeli.”

Dorries explained that MPs were particularly attracted to the possibility of multiple, open-access TV channels that allowed them to talk, uninterrupted, about themselves for an unlimited period of time.

She said: “The whole idea of a showbiz chamber has really caught MPs’ imaginations. Who’d have thought Frank Field would want to put on his own one-man version of Cabaret?”

A number of former MPs are currently lobbying to be given seats in the third chamber, with Lembit Opik and Edwina Currie offering to do ‘literally anything’, including snuff.



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Obama thanks Romney for being such a penis

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has thanked Mitt Romney for being a largely unappealing man.

Obama said: “It’s been a very rocky four years, and if my closest rival hadn’t been so evidently a big dog’s cock I’d have been toast.

“Mr Romney, I salute you for making this possible with your general lack of charm.

“I hope there’s plenty more Republicans like you in the future.”