Mum very disappointed with Hugh Grant for trying to kill that gay man

A MIDDLE-AGED mother believes Hugh Grant has let her down by actually being a politician involved in a botched attempt to murder his gay lover.

52-year-old Mary Fisher liked the actor since 1994’s Four Weddings and a Funeral but had no idea that he had spent the 1960s seducing young impressionable men and the 1970s attempting to kill them. 

She said: “I’ve seen a different side to him, I can’t deny. And it’s not one I like. 

“Hugh was so lovely when he owned that bookshop, and when he was prime minister for a little while, and I couldn’t resist him when he was involved with that Jones girl even though he was a bit naughty.

“But he was so slimy and dishonest on that BBC thing it made me shudder. You can’t just put on a performance like that, not unless you’re a proper actor like Anthony Hopkins. So it must be a documentary about Hugh Grant’s actual life.

“I’m sorry but no. He’s out. I’m sticking to a man you can trust, like Ben Fogle.” 

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Lottery winner blows it all on week at Center Parcs

A MAN who won £5.3 million in last week’s National Lottery has spent the lot taking himself and his family for a week in a Nottingham Center Parcs. 

Nathan Muir of Leicester conceded that it may not have been the most sensible financial decision but that it was worth it to ‘live the dream’ for seven days. 

He said: “We did it all. Archery, falconry, lunch at Bella Italia and dinner at Las Iguanas. Money was no object. 

“We had an executive lodge – two-storey – and if the kids wanted to go kayaking, we did it. When the wife wanted the spa, I booked her in. We even did our shopping at ParcMarket. 

“I knew I was burning through my millions in days but it didn’t matter to me. What’s a lifetime of financial security compared to a week in paradise? 

“It’s all gone now, and I’m not sorry. I’ve gone back to my life as a lathe operator and the kids are back in school, but we’ll all remember that time we touched heaven. When we were the kings of the Parcs.” 

A Center Parcs spokesman said: “Unfortunately, Mr Muir left without paying his car park fees. We will be repossessing his house.”