Music journalists fear rise of ‘new Oasis’

MUSIC historians have warned that conditions in the UK are ripe for the rise of a new Oasis. 

A failing economy, political confusion, youth employment and rising nationalism mean that millions could fall under the sway of an anthemic guitar band promising a return to traditional melodic values.

NME writer Tom Booker said: “All the elements are in place. Low wages, feelings of hopelessness, anonymous dance-pop dominating the charts.

“Within 18 months a bunch of mouthy delinquents, armed with nothing but three chords and two Beatles best-ofs, could be in total command of British culture.

“Unless we act now to provide kids with samplers and educate them about Krautrock and reggaeton at grass roots level, we risk history repeating itself.

He added: “Please. You weren’t there. You don’t know what watching back-to-back gigs at Knebworth was like.

“As a nation, we’ve only just recovered from the terrible self-inflicted wound of Be Here Now. Another one could finish us altogether.”

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Electrician in awe of last electrician’s work

AN electrician has confessed to being absolutely awestruck by the previous electrician’s flawless installation of a bathroom extractor fan.

Wayne Hayes of Wallasey told the householder he was expecting a routine call-out but instead had seen workmanship of such quality it was like looking on the face of God.

He said: “The guy was an artist and a genius. Every time I approach it from a different angle I appreciate it on a whole new level.

“Being asked to replace a burnt-out motor on this is like being asked to touch up the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling. I’m quaking with reverence.

“The sheer elegance of the wiring, the precise yet sensual craft that went into it makes me want to be a better electrician and, indeed, a better man.”

Homeowner Mary Fisher said: “I’m glad he liked it, but he wouldn’t leave until I gave him the number of the last electrician so he can offer to carry his toolbox for him.

“Also I don’t appreciate being invoiced £132 for six hours of ‘gazing in humbled majesty.’.”