New Banksy mocks concept of 'Banksy'

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Let's finish with a sexy prime minister, say Tories

RIGHT-WING Conservative MPs are secretly plotting to make Penny Mordaunt leader so the party can go out on a sexy high, it has emerged.

With defeat all but certain come the election, the right of the party sees no reason why it should not indulge itself by finishing 14 years in power with a sword-hefting hottie to leave the electorate with a lustful last impression.

Joseph Turner, member for Reigate, said: “Why not? We’ve indulged ourselves in every other way. Let’s put a pin-up girl in Number Ten.

“We don’t want to be remembered for our policies or actions, so get Penny in and we’ll be thought of as the party of busty valkyries who throw off gold-embroidered robes to reveal swimsuits. We’ll secure the dad vote for generations.

“Grenfell, Partygate, Truss, will be forgotten. Could the cost of living crisis really have been so bad under the rule of a solid eight, they’ll wonder. Even with Carol Vorderman the left can’t compete with Penny.

“We’ve had the green posho prime minister, the scowling headmistress, the libidinous blonde schoolboy, the lettuce and the number-crunching consultant. But Britain has the horn for imperious blondes in Naval uniforms, and we have a duty to our country.”

He added: “Imagine it, a prime minister you could feasibly rub one out to. Talk about smashing the glass ceiling.”