New BBC Scotland channel to show English programmes with derisive Scottish commentary

A NEW BBC Scotland channel will show English period dramas with voiceovers from Scottish people calling everyone ‘bawbags’.  

The channel will repeat BBC classics showing the English at their best, from The Great British Bake-Off to Pride and Prejudice, with all original dialogue drowned out by a stream of colourful Scottish abuse.

A spokesman said: “Scotland’s top pastime has always been sneering at the English, but that’s rarely been reflected in our television programming.

“The new channel will give the English, the total wanks that they are, a pure roasting night after night.

“It’ll also have classic England football games, from Germany in ’96 to Iceland last summer accompanied by the sound of a thousand Scottish people laughing, as well as property shows where every valuation is met with ‘get yersel’ tae fuck’.”

The channel’s arts strand opens with Kenneth Clark’s Civilisation, in which the historian’s erudite opening monologue concludes with a man from Glasgow saying ‘what a total fanny’.