GLASTONBURY’S new festival the Variety Bazaar will feature large vegetables, a pig race with obstacles and Lady Gaga running a lucky dip.
The festival, which will take place on Shropshire’s County Fairground and have a strict all-Barbour dress code, is to focus on traditional rural pursuits including falconry and flower arranging.
A spokesman said: “Dizzee Rascal will use his distinctive flow to host a cattle auction, the Kings of Leon will be running a tombola and ‘garden on a plate’ competition, and Lady Gaga has stuffed a bran tub with jewellery and dolls made of meat.
“Radiohead will be leaning on a gate, commenting in broad Oxfordshire accents about how much it’s changed since their day.”
Festival-goer Martin Bishop said: “When you’re wasted, a really large turnip is at least as good as a Beck set. Better.”