New Glastonbury to have turnip-growing contest and pig races

GLASTONBURY’S new festival the Variety Bazaar will feature large vegetables, a pig race with obstacles and Lady Gaga running a lucky dip. 

The festival, which will take place on Shropshire’s County Fairground and have a strict all-Barbour dress code, is to focus on traditional rural pursuits including falconry and flower arranging.

A spokesman said: “Dizzee Rascal will use his distinctive flow to host a cattle auction, the Kings of Leon will be running a tombola and ‘garden on a plate’ competition, and Lady Gaga has stuffed a bran tub with jewellery and dolls made of meat.

“Radiohead will be leaning on a gate, commenting in broad Oxfordshire accents about how much it’s changed since their day.”

Festival-goer Martin Bishop said: “When you’re wasted, a really large turnip is at least as good as a Beck set. Better.”