New series of Homeland to be set in reality

THE MAKERS of TV drama Homeland have announced that the next series will make the leap to being set in the real world.

Season six of the US spy drama will surprise regular viewers by featuring “believable characters” in “true-to-life situations”.

Producer Emma Bradford said: “Homeland fans have journeyed with Carrie from the merely implausible to the outer realms of insanity, so we decided to bring this one back down to earth.

“She’ll be working in an office, tracking terrorists by going through phone records, occasionally popping out to shoot someone but no more than one at a time.

“It might be difficult for regular viewers to unsuspend their disbelief, but for them it’ll be just as shocking to see characters remain alive through a whole series instead of alive-dead-alive again-dead again-alive again as a final twist.”

Fan Martin Bishop said: “The real world? No, I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

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Oh no darling, will you have less holiday? say straight-faced parents

PARENTS have reacted to school summer holidays being cut to five weeks with an outpouring of feigned sympathy. 

Mums and dads across the Barnsley area have expertly pretended to commiserate with their disappointed children who must go back to school a week early.

Father-of-three Tom Booker said: “That is such a terrible shame, because I know you had really big plans for the summer.

“We were going to build that den, and draw that story you wrote about the Ewoks having a birthday party, and then of course there’s those long, long games of football where I’m in goal and not allowed to save.

“Mummy and Daddy will miss you though, just like we miss you every night when you go to bed and we only have each other for company.”

Son George Booker said: “I reminded him that it means I get two weeks in October and his face went really slack, like it does when I tell him Granny’s coming to stay.

“Poor Daddy. Maybe if I hit him a lot with a lightsaber it would cheer him up.”