News Corporation planned adding shark fights to literary classics

RUPERT Murdoch’s Penguin Books buy-out was rejected due to his plans to make literary classic more idiot-friendly.

Publisher Tom Logan said: “When DH Lawrence wrote The Rainbow, I’m sure he didn’t envisage the struggles faced by three generations of Nottinghamshire miners to involve shark fights and ‘soaraway stunners’.”

News Corporation also planned Metamorphosis II, a sequel to Kafka’s classic study of alienation, in which a 200 foot insect man-beetle destroys downtown Prague before being taken out by a ragtag team of wise-talking entomologists.

Murdoch’s Penguin aspirations began after he picked up a copy of Jane Eyre and was surprised to find the third page didn’t feature a picture of Jane with her top off.