Nightclubs to trial ‘old bastards’ nights

NIGHTCLUBS are to trial ‘old bastards’ nights where the music won’t be quite as loud and everyone can leave by half one without being made to feel guilty.

Ancient-looking caners Martin Bishop and Emma Bradford are pioneering the nights where under-40s will be turned away and there is a dedicated ‘sitting down zone’.

Bishop said: “Just because I’m an old bastard that doesn’t mean I don’t like to cut loose every now and take a pathetically small amount of drugs.

“But I also don’t like to be surrounded by 18 year olds who are all able to party all night because they don’t have to worry about cleaning the garage out tomorrow afternoon.”

Bradford added: “I’ll be DJing at the night so the music will be reasonably loud but not so much that you can’t hear yourself think and you’ll know all the words to all the songs that I’ll be playing.

“Nothing after 2005. In fact, when did Gypsy Woman by Crystal Waters come out?

“And we’ll definitely be wrapped up by one as there is a car boot sale I want to go to in the morning.”