Sunday, 7th June 2020

No way woman in Sonic Youth t-shirt actually listens to them

THERE is no way a woman wearing a Sonic Youth t-shirt is really into all their weird, unlistenable sh*t, people have decided.

Strong doubts have been raised about whether fashionable 23-year-old Nikki Hollis is a true fan of the 1980s New York art-rock band, despite having a t-shirt of their album Goo.

Sonic Youth fan Julian Cook said: “She may have the Roy Lichtenstein-inspired t-shirt, but does she enjoy listening to discordant eight-minute tracks that go nowhere? I think not.

“I might go over and challenge her on her knowledge of Sonic Youth’s back catalogue. I’m a dreadful muso so that’s the sort of rude, socially dysfunctional thing I do.

“I’ll ask if she knows ‘I Love Her All The Time’ or if she just likes ‘Dirty Boots’ like the rest of the Top 40 crowd. Although if she’s into all their obscure stuff I’ll look like a bigger tw*t than I already am.”

Hollis said: “Oh, are they a band, then? I just like the t-shirt. It’s like some sort of old cartoon.”