Saturday, 4th July 2020

Only consolation of miserable weather is knowing it will f*ck up festivals

BRITONS are cheering themselves up during the rainy weather by remembering it will make the lives of festivalgoers a misery.

Despite grey clouds and non-stop drizzle in June, the thought of festivals like this weekend’s Download turning into depressing quagmires is bringing a smile to people’s faces.

Donna Sheridan, 42, said: “Don’t get me wrong, the weather’s vile, but when you think of all those tossers in silly hats expecting their own personal Woodstock you have to chuckle.

“Sex, drugs and music? It’ll be wellies, sulky teenage girls, soggy fags and 20-year-old male virgins huddling together for warmth in their desperately inadequate Millets’ tents.

“At Download some of them will have been saving up for months for an overpriced ticket to see Def Leppard and Slayer. Although that’s just funny in itself.”

Festivalgoer Tom Logan, 18, said: “I’m not letting the weather affect my enjoyment. I only came so I could get a wristband and say I’d been to a festival, and now I’ve got a great anecdote about Josh getting frostbite.”