People who pretended to like Twin Peaks first time around facing very difficult summer

THE return of Twin Peaks means a long, hard summer for those who faked enjoying it first time around.

Director David Lynch has made 18 more episodes of the baffling mystery series, which is like a flu-induced nightmare but longer and with less internal logic.

Fake enthusiast Tom Logan said: “During the first Twin Peaks I was a young, tiresome student, eager to impress fellow knobheads with my enthusiasm for tastefully-lit surreal tripe. I never thought such youthful folly could return to haunt me.

“I’m getting celebratory messages from other pretend fans, who are secretly just as full of dread. I had really hoped parallel dimensions and people with unnecessary eyepatches were no longer part of my life.”

Former pretend Twin Peaks fan Mary Fisher said: “My friends are holding weekly viewing parties with black coffee and cherry pie, both of which I also hate.

“I messaged them to say that I preferred Kyle McLachlan as Trey in Sex and The City, so was going to re-watch that instead.

“I haven’t heard from them since.”