Prue Leith accidentally reveals there is no God

BAKE-OFF judge Prue Leith has accidentally tweeted conclusive proof that God is dead and you are going to burn in Hell forever.

The tweet, sent at 10.37am yesterday morning and swiftly deleted, included a photograph of the Judeo-Christian deity’s grave alongside the message “The Horned One has won and the universe is his! Nobody told me I would feel so emotional #GBBOfinal #kissthehoof”.

Hundreds of Bake-Off fans have hit out at the septuagenarian for ruining their enjoyment of their earthly lives by revealing that they face an eternity of torment.

Julian Cook tweeted: “Thanks Prue, I was looking forward to retirement until I found out I’d be burning in a lake of fire for untold millennia!” while Emma Bradford agreed, “why have I bothered living for the last few decades when it’s all been ruined for me??? #GBBOfinal”.

Retired headmistress Margaret Gerving summed up the thoughts of many when she tweeted: “This would never have happened on the BBC! #GBBOfinal #bringbackMary”.

Leith said: “I honestly cannot apologise enough. I just hope all the fans will enjoy what should be a wonderful last few years on this plane before it becomes the dominion of my satanic master.”

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In our defence we didn't think you were thick enough for this to work, says Russia

RUSSIA has defended its interference in Western elections by saying it did not think we would actually be moronic enough for it to work. 

Cyberwar operatives have admitted that their meddling was only meant to be a warm-up and that we have largely ourselves to blame for their success. 

A Russian source said: “We don’t know a lot about elections. They’re not really our thing. 

“So in preparation for our proper go at it in 2020, we scheduled a rehearsal with a joke reality star in America and our long-standing agent Farage who’s only over there because we don’t want him here. 

“We ran a load of Facebook ads, we funnelled some money into campaigns, we used all our openly dirty operatives because why waste the deep-cover guys on a practice run, and we only fucking won. 

“Putin’s kicking himself. He says, ‘We went through 40 years of Cold War and their democracy topples when you push with one finger?’ 

“Anyway, we’re getting rid of Trump and getting one of our proper people in for the US, but in Britain which does not matter we will make a squirrel prime minister. 

“Be honest, you would vote for a squirrel.”