Rain fails to dampen Womad crowd's tiresome positivity

DESPITE poor weather, everyone at this year’s Womad festival remained nauseatingly upbeat.

World music fans in colourful trousers continued to smile and dance through torrential rain, because they are ‘like that’ all the time.

48-year-old Womad attendee Stephen Malley said: “I’m permanently high on life. But during Womad my levels of positivity are pretty much off the chart.

“Percussive music sung in foreign languages, plus carrot-based smoothies and the opportunity to wear my favourite hat with bits of mirror stitched into it? Yes please!

“Truly it is heaven on Earth.”

Fellow Womad-goer Emma Bradford said: “It takes more than a drop of rain to stop me jigging about dementedly, flailing my limbs like a panic-stricken beetle.

“Then on the way home I will sing along to a Bundu Boys CD with my friends who are all social workers.

“Nothing gets me down really, not even the menopause or drumming workshops.”

She added: “Tonight I am going to cook something in a tagine. The whole world is invited.”

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Brazilians asked if they are insane

THREE million Brazil residents who attended a mass by the Pope have been asked what they were thinking.

The vast number of beautiful people took time out from drinking delicious lime-based cocktails and watching the world’s best arses walk past to listen to a 77-year-old virgin going on and on and on.

British psychologist Julian Cook said: “Firstly, you should see this place. It’s so awesome that you just want to grab a pair of coconuts and start tapping out a samba rhythm.

“Or dance with people dressed like sexy peacocks, or do any number of things that aren’t hearing a grim-faced pensioner telling you not to shag.

“The Brazilians I interviewed were saying something about eternal salvation but I was too busy thinking about how really, really hot it is here to take too much notice.

“I think the general gist was that if they listened very carefully they might be admitted to a different paradise than the one they currently live in.”

Brazil has long been a strongly Catholic country as early settlers believed this was the only way to guilt the common man into not going surfing all day.

Brazilian Tony Motta said: “I went to the mass because I was curious to see whether anyone could make Copacabana beach not fun.

“Turns out the Pope can.”