Monday, 19th April 2021

Richard Curtis to make unbearably smug middle-class Covid film

RICHARD Curtis has announced he is making Covid Actually, a film where posh, entitled people bumble their way charmingly through the pandemic.

Boris Johnson will play himself in the lead as the haphazard posh dickhead prime minister, complete with perplexed, boy-child persona, irritating rumpled hair and having sex with employees.

The cast will also include Emilia Clarke, Olivia Colman, Tom Hiddleston, Eddie Redmayne and Florence Pugh, all playing painfully middle-class Londoners frightfully inconvenienced by lockdown but charmingly winning through regardless.

Curtis said: “The plot centres around Johnson blithely f**king things up and then making increasingly ham-fisted attempts to save the day while a network of friends and acquaintances weather lockdown by having large houses, large gardens and delightfully tousled children.

“Any grimness or lurking sense of dread will be covered by pretty shots of twinkly lights coming from posh shopfronts, log fires or anything else that is not an ambulance.

“We’ll watch them live, laugh, still go on foreign holidays, care for each other and never mention anyone in the social classes below theirs because that would make everyone uncomfortable.”

Wet Wet Wet will reprise their classic Love is All Around, reworked as Covid is All Around to send a crucial message to the less fortunate. But Curtis denied that the villain will be based on Priti Patel, saying that “even evil characters have to be believable as human beings.”