Thursday, 15th April 2021

Mum asks if you're on pot

YOUR mum has asked if you are ‘high on pot’ and expects a serious answer, it has emerged. 

Following a conversation about the cultural phenomena of ‘memes’, which your mother has not heard of and yet is vehemently against, you made the mistake of giggling and were immediately questioned about your drug use.

Your mum continued: “I’m serious about this. Are you smoking these skunks I’ve read about? Because that is very dangerous.

“I wondered at Christmas, when you found it so funny that I’d left my oven glove in the plate warmer. That’s not normal to find that so funny, I thought.

“It’s not like when your dad used to smoke wacky baccy before we were married. It’s much stronger now. You can turn mentally ill after one toke. I saw it on Victoria Derbyshire.

“You’re laughing again. That proves it. I want you to take your stash of gear and flush it down the loo, right now. I can help with the cold turkey. I’ll drive over with a flask of soup.

“If you like I can bring some of that leftover Tramadol I got prescribed after my knee op. That’s harmless and it might help your shakes.”