STEALING from the rich and giving to the poor is all very well, but it makes for long nights in Sherwood Forest with a moralistic braggart. And these f**kers wouldn’t be any fun either:
Peter Pan
Boys that don’t want to grow up are not rare or special. They are the market base of the Funko Pop!, gaming chairs and online arguments about Bitcoin. Captain Hook would be more of a laugh.
Wonder Woman
If you think your mates that went backpacking are loathsome, try this perfect Amazon who flies about in her invisible jet with her group of equally flawless, invincible friends. She would make you hate yourself so hard.
Katniss Everdeen
Sure she… saved the world or whatever shit even happened in the Hunger Games, but what would she have to offer afterwards? Poems about the kids she had to murder? An arrow in the heart for every occasion?
King Arthur
This guy’s whole thing is his destiny and holy quests for God. You might have your own shit going on, like trying to reach Bargain Booze before it shuts, but do he and his round table give a bugger? No.
Dorothy Gale
There’s one person everyone loves to be around, and that’s the woman who spends the entirety of every social outing talking about how she needs to go home while never actually going home. And little dogs like that have nasty tempers.
Sherlock Holmes
There’s no simple way to split a bill with a man who describes himself as a ‘consulting detective’. Find better company than anyone using evidence and insightful theories to deduce his share of the poppadoms.
