Seven bands you've pretended to like because a man did

HE played them all the time, you preferred to avoid an argument, so you pretended Kasabian were good. You also have to live with these lies:

The Fall

It’s just a man f**king shouting. But your university boyfriend was firmly into The Fall, decrying anyone who failed to recognise their genius as idiots and you didn’t want to be an idiot. Consequently you once had sex to Imperial Wax Solvent.

Guided By Voices

The American Fall, with 35 albums of growly garage to their credit. You got off with a guy during their Reading set and a week later he sent you a CD of theirs in the post. A week later another one. Ten CDs in, he stopped. Until another one a year later. Then he stopped.

Little Mix

No romance here – your gay friend’s a Mixer, DJs them at club nights, you go along, it’s fun enough to dance to, sure, you love Little Mix too! Why not? Two months later he texts ‘Omigod babes got us Mix tix FRONT f**king ROW you owe me £380’.

The Beatles

Not one specific man but every Tinder date claims to love the Beatles, so you have to claim you love the Beatles because you’re not being the date who says ‘the Beatles suck dick’, and you talk about the Beatles. But it turns out none of them ever play the Beatles.

Bruce Springsteen

It was dubious, how much he was into Bruce. Calling him the Boss, an LP of his denim ass proudly displayed, going on about his legendary stamina, just dedicated to an all-American working hunk of a man never suspected of being even a little bit gay. Best to keep quiet.

Snoop Dogg

He has a lovely flow and seems a nice man, but Snoop’s lyrics are a little… focused, aren’t they? On women being nothing but sexual objects under his control? And murder? You had to play along, obviously, nobody likes a killjoy.

The Eagles

The most boring, basic rock band in existence, to the point their members were called Don, Glenn and Bernie. Their albums are lavish studio hymns to how much cocaine you can do and still be shit-dull. You still pretend they’re good so as not to upset your dad.

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Coleen Rooney: It was heartbreaking taking our Wayne to get neutered

COLEEN Rooney has spoken about the tough decision to have her husband neutered following allegations of his philandering.

In the tell-all documentary Coleen Rooney: The Real Wagatha Story, the wife of former England player Wayne Rooney lifted the lid on the day she took her husband in to be castrated.

Coleen said: “Seeing his little eyes staring at me as I loaded him into the back of the Range Rover was devastating. I tried telling him we were just off for a kickabout in the park, but he knew something else was going on.

“His behaviour has always been an issue, and there comes a time when you just have to say ‘Look, Wayne, if I see photos of you in The Sun necking one more woman I’m going to have your goolies surgically removed’.

“It’s not a decision I took lightly, but sometimes you have to do what’s best for your husband, and in this case that was taking him to a discreet private medical centre to have his balls lopped off.

“The next day, when we were able to bring him home, he looked so forlorn. He kept trying to wriggle out of his cone to chew at the stitches, but we managed to calm him down with a jam butty and a legendary football goals compilation.”