A COOL new bar has chosen to make its interior so dark and noisy that you are unable to look at or talk to people in it.
Bar manager Tom Booker carefully developed the venue’s design with the aim of making conversation and navigation impossible, in order to give patrons a thoroughly frustrating experience.
Booker said: “It’s a common misconception that people come to bars to talk and enjoy themselves.
“They actually come to be held hostage by thumping bass and to wonder what they’re doing with their lives when they fall down the shadowy stairs to the one grim toilet. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome, and people like that. Eventually.
“What customers want is a sensory hellscape where they can barely see their own hands in front of them. The only thing they should be able to make out is the neon lights of the bar, which they will be drawn to like a moth and then feel the need to buy an £18 drink called a Slutsucker.
“To make it as disorientating as possible, the décor is a cross between a Victorian parlour and a sex dungeon. The music is terrible and repeats every hour, essentially torturing the staff, which to be honest is what people who aspire to be ‘mixologists’ or ‘cocktail artists’ deserve.”
Customer Lauren Hewitt said: “I love this bar! It’s terrible for socialising with people you like, but I had a great night there with my parents. I couldn’t hear anything they said and lost them when I went to the bathroom. They’re probably still in there somewhere.”