Seven songs we really don't need any more f**king covers of

SOME songs have been resurrected more times than the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. And much like the films, every new iteration is somehow shitter than the one before.


Leonard Cohen himself once admitted that too many people have covered this song. Each new warbling, saccharine, X Factor-style version leads us further from the original and deeper into musical Hell, where Star Trekkin’ and Grandad are on a permanent loop.


Even before the criminally bad star-studded pandemic rendition, every John, Paul and Ringo had tried their hand at this song, transforming a once-moving plea for world peace into a bog-standard ‘nice tune’ that’s on one of your auntie’s Military Wives Choir CDs with no hint of irony.

Just Can’t Get Enough

The Saturdays wisely just copied this Depeche Mode hit which doesn’t lend itself to non-electronic interpretations, as the bossa nova version proves. Now there’s a veeery slooow advert-friendly acoustic version that defeats the point of it being catchy synth-pop in the first place, like playing Immigrant Song on a child’s xylophone. Well done, everyone.

Over The Rainbow

Since Judy Garland first sang it in The Wizard of Oz, Over The Rainbow has been murdered hundreds of times over, by serial cover version offenders like Cliff Richard and, probably most famously, that big Hawaiian bloke with the ukulele. We probably could have stopped after him. Or after Judy, frankly.

All Along the Watchtower

You’d think lesser artists would actively avoid a Bob Dylan track made famous by Hendrix. Plus Neil Young did it too, so how many versions do we actually need? A disco version, perhaps? However the many notable cover versions didn’t deter U2. That’s why true music lovers only listen to ‘the definitive Bono version’.

What A Wonderful World

No one has done a better version of this song than Louis Armstrong, but that doesn’t stop millions of YouTubers and even Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson from trying their hand at it. Our only hope is that the upcoming mass devastation caused by the climate crisis will stop people covering it. Every cloud, etc.


It was originally by The Zutons and Amy Winehouse covered it and that was great – but we don’t need any f**king more versions. Your cousin’s mate’s band that did a wedding once certainly do not need to show us what a reggae-infused rendition would sound like, and we’re not just saying that because they’re white and from Nuneaton. Although it doesn’t help.

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Salad great snack while waiting for real lunch

SALADS are a fun and tasty choice for lunch so long as there is a main course of proper food immediately afterwards, it has been confirmed.

Experts say it is perfectly safe – and even pleasant – to eat salad if it is followed by a meal rich in saturated fat, meat and sugar which is not f**king rabbit food that makes you pass out from hunger.

Chef Donna Sheridan said: “When the weather gets hot, there’s nothing better than some crisp, fresh vegetables. It really whets the appetite for the big plate of chips I’ll eat afterwards.

“I’m convinced that there are no real salad haters – just people who don’t know how to make a good one. Use the food ‘rainbow’, mixing the reds of peppers with the deep green of kale. Then add a chicken bacon cheeseburger with large fries and mayo for a healthy salad everyone will enjoy.

“There’s such a wide range of cuisines you can incorporate. Try a Turkish piyaz salad, with its delicate balance of tomato, red onion, parsley, lemon and ground sumac. Then go back to the shop for an extra-large doner for some actual food.”

Nutritionist Tom Logan said: “Ignore food myths like huge, fatty meals not being as good for you as salads. If you eat a salad first it will cancel out the calories of anything else you eat that day.

“There will always be cranks who insist a salad alone will do for their lunch. If you must follow such an extreme diet, minimise the risk of malnutrition by adding meat, creamy dressings and four slices of white bread. And have some crisps later to be on the safe side.”