Six bands who wrongly believed they were smashing the system

CERTAIN bands believe the powers-that-be are scared of their radical, dangerous message. Here are some that were a little bit deluded.

Chumbawamba

Chumbawamba were committed anarcho-communists for a decade before their one hit, ‘Tubthumping’, and that’s a long time to live in a squat. Sadly it was immediately co-opted as a beer monster dancefloor singalong. Also the lyric ‘He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink’ is so annoying it makes you want to join the Young Conservatives.

Green Day 

Went from being angsty punks fretting about meth abuse and anxiety attacks to really quite political, with their big hit ‘American Idiot’ highlighting the propaganda of ‘embedded’ US journalists during the Iraq war. Sadly the electorate DID want to be American idiots and voted for Bush a couple of months later.  

The Spice Girls 

Geri Halliwell in particular seemed to believe that ‘girl power’ was a genuine movement set to change society, like a pop version of Marxism-Leninism. The only problem was no one had a clue what ‘girl power’ actually was except a slogan to shout. Something about being nice to your friends?

Crass

The archetypal 80s anarchist band, with the usual interests of anti-fascism, animal rights, feminism, [insert your own left-wing concern here] etc. Their anti-Falklands ditty ‘How Does It Feel? (To Be the Mother of a Thousand Dead)’, did actually lead to a Tory MP asking a question in the Commons. However they had zero effect on Thatcher’s popularity and to this day Tory backbenchers are still attention-seeking wankers. Plus ca change.

The Dead Kennedys 

A cool name and equally cool song titles like ‘Holiday in Cambodia’ and ‘Too Drunk to F**k’. Their wider impact is questionable, although they did cause panic at the BBC in case the latter song reached the top 30 and had to be listed on Top of the Pops. In the end, Tony Blackburn did refer to it, but as ‘Too Drunk, by the Kennedys’. Good to see TOTP getting its priorities right back in 1981.

The Sex Pistols 

Don’t let John Lydon’s sneering cynicism fool you – the Pistols thought they were pretty important. Sadly the sentiment ‘God save the Queen/And the fascist regime’ isn’t shared by the public and when she does pass away we’ll be looking at an epic national meltdown of grief with people hurling themselves off the cliffs of Dover (or pretending they want to).

Gammon forced to rethink his rosy view of Blitz post-Ukraine

A BRITISH man who had always thought of the Blitz as a wonderful time that brought Britons together has confessed that footage of Ukraine has made him think again.

57-year-old Martin Bishop was born two decades after the Second World War ended but always believed that the aerial bombing of London was a largely jolly affair, with Cockneys singing about doodlebugs and Hitler’s monorchism in Tube stations.

He admitted: “It seemed to me largely a morale-booster that brought out everyone’s patriotic spirit, digging for victory and melting down railings. But that might have been slightly romanticised.

“Now I see it happening, it occurs to me that having bombs rain down around you, blowing houses to pieces and killing families, would really suck. Because, you know, of the houses and families.

“I always felt I’d really missed out on not growing up during the war, all the togetherness and sewing Union Jack bunting. It doesn’t seem to be anything like that in Ukraine, though. They just seem terrified.

“Perhaps it wasn’t all a great laugh down the Anderson shelters. Perhaps it wasn’t all milkmen whistling ‘We’ll Meet Again’ as they picked their way over rubble. Perhaps it was shit.”

He added: “The EU’s united in standing up to Putin. I really admire them. War’s shit and Brexit was a total dick move.”