POP stars switch up their images to move with the times or grab cash. Makes sense, whereas these awful revamps remain baffling:
David Bowie’s Tin Machine period
Bowie ruled the 70s with his androgynous alien look that made guitarist Mick Ronson fear he was going to bum him. Several fashion incarnations later, in the 80s he tried cheap-looking fashion suits. He probably thought he was capturing the zeitgeist – see also Mick Jagger’s solo career – but he looked as if his auntie have given him Burton’s vouchers for Christmas.
Madonna’s conical bra
When Madonna donned the Jean Paul Gaultier conical bra, it was so iconic she couldn’t let it go, and even to this day is squeezing into age-inappropriate corsetry. You didn’t have to stick with that one look, Madge. Darth Vader was iconic, but David Prowse didn’t wear a black cape and mask years later when he went to Tesco.
Status Quo’s denim look
Before discovering denim, the Quo dressed in the psychedelic style of the time. Deciding they weren’t getting laid enough, they switched to a naff jeans-and-waistcoats ‘rock’ look and adopted a new sound: chugging, boring rock that unadventurous music fans adored. As if to underline their commitment to naffness, Rick Parfitt got a biro stuck up his nose during a coke binge.
Kiss’s lucrative goth clown look
For a brief period, Kiss did not look like total bellends but a vaguely normal early-70s band. Then came the make-up, followed by shedloads of cash and groupies. This means every man trying to get laid has got it wrong; what women really find attractive is a grotesque leotard showing chest hair down to your belly, comical platform boots and gothic clownface.
Heart in the 80s
Hard to believe, but Heart were cool rock chicks in the 70s. Then came a transformation that couldn’t have been more 80s if Roland Rat had joined the band: shoulder pads, fingerless gloves and massive hair. They could still write a decent tune, but looked as if they’d come off some strange 80s soft rock production line that also made Starship.
MC Hammer goes gangster
A strange and obscure chapter in music history. A few years after the global mega-hit U Can’t Touch This, Hammer tried his hand at gangster rap. The album sold poorly and Hammer’s career resolutely went downhill. There’s a cautionary tale for everyone: if you’ve made $33 million from dance-based party rap, don’t sing about killing kids.
