BRITISH people ignore tennis all year until Wimbledon rolls around, but why? These are the real reasons behind their fickle obsession:
British people don’t really like queuing, do they? Wrong. They f**king love it. The line waiting to get on-the-day Wimbledon passes is even officially called The Queue in recognition of this tragic fact. Our nation of mundane freaks finds camping out for tickets more enjoyable than actually watching tennis, although to be fair it is about equivalent in entertainment value.
Cosplaying as posh
Britain’s still firmly entrenched in the class system, meaning the plebs enjoy any opportunity to dress up and pretend to be the aristocracy. That’s why they’ll happily rinse £600 on a good seat at Centre Court and a rip-off bottle of champagne. Genuinely posh people never pay for this shit because they see it on telly for free.
Being hung up on tradition
Why else would you endure a Cliff Richard singalong? Where else would a hill with a view of a large screen be given a tortuously alliterative name? Why else would you pay £12 for a few measly strawberries and a dollop of cream? It’s all down to the Wimbledon ‘traditions’, which are pathetic. It’s hardly Christmas, is it?
Pretending to be experts
British people are tedious know-it-alls, and they especially love it when they can be armchair experts about something that’s happening in their own country. ‘Swiatek’s racquet definitely touched the net before the point was over’, is the sort of thing they’ll thunder for two weeks, before going back to not giving a f**k the second the trophies are handed over.
Enjoying being the underdog
Forget tennis, forget football or cricket, being an underdog is the UK’s national sport. And nowhere is the country less likely to triumph than at Wimbledon. That’s why spectators ironically shout ‘Come on, Tim!’ at whichever Brit is playing: it’s a defeatist’s ironic battle cry. Andy Murray’s wins don’t count because he’s Scottish.