FORMER RBS chief Stephen Hester is the new Doctor Who, it has been confirmed.
A BBC spokesman said: “”As soon as we heard he was leaving it was a no-brainer, we had to get Hester.
“Like RBS, Doctor Who is a publicly-funded venture that has run into choppy waters. Yes he’s costing us more than Tom Cruise but we need a solid, balding alpha male who is totally the opposite of these foppish emotionally-incontinent Doctors.”
Hester said: “My initial priorities are keeping Clara safe and stabilising the space-time continuum.”