Stephen Hester confirmed as new Dr Who

The British Chamber of Commerce Annual Conference, London, Britain  - 18 Mar 2010

FORMER RBS chief Stephen Hester is the new Doctor Who, it has been confirmed. 

A BBC spokesman said: “”As soon as we heard he was leaving it was a no-brainer, we had to get Hester.

“Like RBS, Doctor Who is a publicly-funded venture that has run into choppy waters. Yes he’s costing us more than Tom Cruise but we need a solid, balding alpha male who is totally the opposite of these foppish emotionally-incontinent Doctors.”

Hester said: “My initial priorities are keeping Clara safe and stabilising the space-time continuum.”