PRODUCERS of the Susan Boyle musical have promised it will be the perfect night out for a certain kind of person.
The lavish stage production, based on the life of the remarkable little Scottish woman, will include a 45 minute séance led by Living TV’s 14th best medium, a spectacular cat fashion show and the opportunity for everyone to have a really good cry about stuff.
The show will tell Boyle’s rags to riches story through a series of powerfully emotional songs that everyone will be encouraged to join in with.
Meanwhile, in a bid to create a tidal wave of pre-menopausal hormones, selected audience members will get a chance to speak to a dead relative through an amazingly accurate middle-aged man wearing too much hair gel called Brian.
The audience will also be encouraged to enter their own cats in the fashion show with the winner being allowed to make a tearful speech during which they will compare themselves to Ms Boyle before fainting dramatically.
Producer Stephen Malley said: “We want the audience to feel at home so we’re inviting everyone to bring a flask of tea or a bottle of Baileys, as well as whatever brand of chocolate biscuits they routinely devour.
“They will also be allowed to keep their mobiles on so they can give constant Facebook updates and phone each other during the show to compare notes on the cat costumes or just cry as loudly as they can at each other.”
Malley added: “Some people will say that rooms full of women believing they are talking to dead relatives has got nothing to do with Susan’s amazing success, but we would argue that it has absolutely everything to do with it.”