Taylor Swift fan’s mind blown after hearing real music

A TAYLOR Swift fan is recovering from having her mind blown after hearing real music for the first time.

Sarah Stevens’ favourite albums include Reputation by Taylor Swift, 1989 by Taylor Swift, Red by Taylor Swift and Taylor Swift by Taylor Swift.

But Stevens has been in a perpetual state of shock since accidentally hearing a few bars Nowhere Man by the Beatles, emanating from a passing car.

Stevens’ mother, Emma, said: “Sarah was a very sensitive child, so we tried to only expose her to comforting, monotonous sounds. Nothing too musically complicated or stimulating.

“Maybe we were a bit overprotective, but she seemed to think the only music in existence was Taylor Swift and we didn’t correct her. Perhaps it’s because it’s the only music playing in the shops.

“She’s only 21 and has no idea what a radio is, so it was relatively easy to maintain the illusion. I now wish we’d tried to gently broaden her horizons,  perhaps with some Duran Duran.”

Sarah Stevens said: “So many different notes.”

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Oh just f**k off, say women

WOMEN sick of being criticised for all of their life choices, have told everyone to go fuck themselves.

After a lifetime of being condemned for having children, not having children, having children and going to work, having children and not going to work, being too thin, too fat or wearing the wrong shoes, they have stressed that enough is enough.

Rachel Williams, a female from Kent, explained: “Apparently, if you have a vagina people think they have the right to judge you on every single thing you do . Even your actual vagina.

“And quite a lot of the judging is done by people who have a vagina. What the fuck is that about?”

She added: “Look, we juggle a load of stuff on a daily basis while being underpaid and occasionally getting groped on the tube. We can make humans with our actual bodies and multi-task like a bastard.

“Problem with that? Off you fuck.”