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Teenager complaining about five-second YouTube ads is taking the f**king piss

A 15-YEAR-OLD moaning about a five-second ad before his YouTube video would not have survived a typical 1990s ad break, says his father. 

Julian Cook could only chuckle in disbelief when son Ryan cried out in despair at a single incredibly brief advert before he could resume watching hours of gaming videos.

He said: “Look at this fool thinking he’s irritated by adverts. He doesn’t know he’s born.

“Back in my day you’d be bombarded for five minutes straight, not one of them skippable. Your senses blitzed by raw capitalism, from the Coco Pops monkey to Paul Daniels selling you a sofa-bed to Burt Reynolds pretending to visit a UK optician chain.

“By the time your show came on you’d forgotten what you were even watching, staggering under the sheer onslaught of advertising. And that was normal.

“I remember reaching half-time with England one-nil up against Holland at Euro 96, desperate for soothing analysis, and being plunged straight into a Biactol advert. I think we got one word from Kevin Keegan before a four-minute Talking Pages ad.

“Meanwhile my spoilt monster of a son has has every piece of footage ever filmed by at his fingertips and complains about five seconds of some cryptocurrency ad.”

He added: “I mean, he’s watching people popping pimples. Frankly, I’d prefer the Ragu adverts to that shit.”

Six government disasters that are entirely the fault of Angela Rayner's fanny

THIS government has lurched from crisis to crisis, all because they were distracted by red-headed Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner crossing her legs. 

Late lockdowns

The government took Britain into the 2020 lockdown later than most of Europe at the costs of thousands of lives, and then did exactly the same thing again in 2021. Why? Because the whole front bench was agape at the thought of seeing a woman’s parts.

Bad Brexit deal

Listening to a Belgian fart on about trade quotas is tough enough without the vision of Rayner’s cartwheeling legs going through your head like an endless can-can, and what if Hancock’s claim about her knickers is true? Then you find you’ve signed up to an Irish Sea border.

Downing Street redecoration

Johnson’s young wife is prone to jealousy due to certain incidents in his past. So when caught staring into space, debating whether he’d actually glimpsed that promised socialist utopia at PMQs, is it any wonder he denied it and stabbed randomly at a book of wallpaper samples saying ‘that one?’

The cost-of-living crisis

Rishi Sunak is young and unworldly, used more to numbers than a people. He can’t keep his head when an exotic older woman’s flinging her pins about in a crazed carousel of allure. No wonder he completely forgot to hedge against gas rises or manage inflation.

Partygate

The Cabinet contains many red-blooded men, all driven to distraction by Rayner’s teasing displays of sitting and doing politics. It was inevitable they’d get together and compare notes on whether she was doing it deliberately over a few drinks, lockdown rules be damned.

Boris Johnson’s upcoming refusal to resign

Once the Sue Gray report is released, Boris Johnson will have no option but to resign under the ministerial code. But he won’t. He can’t. There’s no way he can walk away from the unfolding Commons seduction of that flame-haired temptress. He’ll have no choice but to stay in office, and it’s all Angela Rayner’s fault.

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