Christ, that bloke off Casualty gets shitloads, says Britain

THE UK had no idea that him off Casualty, the one who’s been in it for years, took it home in a fucking wheelbarrow. 

The bloke, you know the one, he’s a nurse or something, is apparently the highest paid actor at the entire BBC which you would never have guessed and Danny Dyer must be fucking furious.

Speculation is growing about what kind of house the man, whose name is expected to come to us any minute – he’s Charlie in the show – has and why he is never seen at showbiz parties.

The public was unsurprised to learn that Chris Evans was continuing to trouser cash because he is jammy bastard and has been for fucking years. Viewers also admitted that Gary Lineker probably deserved his wedge because he was quite good on the Twitter.

Meanwhile, Alan Shearer, defending a salary of more than £400k, said: “I fully deserve my money as I say a large number of words, and sometimes place them into a particular order.

“Anyway you’ve all tuned out now so I’ll stop talking.”