Thursday, 15th April 2021

The four government-approved jokes that will be allowed on the BBC

WITH the government keen to clamp down on supposedly ‘woke’ humour, here are the state-sanctioned jokes you can expect to hear on the BBC in the near future.

Doesn’t [insert opposition leader’s name here] smell?

Not very funny, but definitely won’t bring criticism from the government. Won’t work too well with the Lib Dems as no one is quite sure who the leader is. Come on, do you?

‘SNOWFLAKES!’ to become main catchphrase 

Anyone who utters the s-word will set off a QI-style klaxon and ‘SNOWFLAKES!’ will flash up on your screen in block capitals to remind you to laugh. This will be totally hilarious to readers of the Sun, Mail and Telegraph, but will make the job of weather reporters difficult during the winter months.

Offensive EU member stereotypes

Comedy shows will be encouraged to feature Mr Blobby-style national stereotypes from the EU. Tragically, many viewers will be bent double with laughter as Pierre Monsieur Frog trips over the string of onions dangling from his neck, or Herman German has an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction with his lederhosen and a sausage.

Laura Kuenssberg to get her own comedy show

The BBC’s political editor will dress as a jester, complete with a hat with bells on it, and deliver stringently non-political jokes punctuated by turns from show-off government ministers, eg. Matt Hancock juggling oranges. Worryingly, this will be a massive ratings hit.