The Handmaid's Tale, and other shows that probably shouldn't have a Christmas special

WOULD Father Christmas visit Gilead? It seems unlikely. Here are some other shows that wouldn’t suit a festive Christmas special either.

The Handmaid’s Tale

It’s hard to say whether Commander Fred and his pals would be pleased by the notion of a virgin birth or if their fragile male egos would feel threatened into suppressing it. Either way, Christmas in Gilead would be a miserable affair. The women would manage a small sing-song in the Colonies, before being discovered enjoying themselves and dragged off to be tortured. Not very joyful.

Sons of Anarchy

Christmas isn’t usually associated with bike gangs, violence and murder, but maybe the Sons of Anarchy could take a day off killing each other and join the town of Charming in celebrating the birth of Christ. That’s until one of them accuses another of ratting them out to the police and has their eyeballs removed with a butter knife, before setting them on fire like a brandy-soaked Christmas pudding.

Line of Duty

‘Happy Christmas, mate’, Steve would mutter sadly to Kate as they ate a disappointing turkey dinner together in the AC-12 canteen. This would be followed, as is traditional in all episodes of Line of Duty, by a very long and intense interview scene, enlivened by the fact that Ted Hastings is wearing a crown he got in a cracker.

Game of Thrones

On the one hand, Game of Thrones has some Christmassy elements: snow, feasting, families that want to kill each other. On the other hand, the staple themes of the show don’t really lend themselves to feel-good festivities. No one wants a helping of incest and eye-gouging alongside their cheese and sherry, thank you very much.

The Book of Boba Fett

This Star Wars series describes itself as a space Western, and it seems unlikely that Christmas exists either on alien planets or in hardscrabble cowboy towns. However, it’s easy to imagine The Twins – Jabba the Hutt’s cousins – enjoying the gluttony and overindulgence of the festive season. Perhaps they could have their own tedious spin-off.

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Man can't wait to bail out of New Year plans

A MAN has enthusiastically agreed to going out on New Year’s Eve despite knowing full well he will back out at the last minute.

Tom Logan, aged 29, has spent several weeks faking excitement at plans to do a pub crawl with friends, while simultaneously thinking up reasons why he cannot attend.

Logan said: “I’m buzzing about not seeing the New Year in. The build up is well under way. We’ve picked a route around the town centre, which I won’t be doing, and got tickets for a bar I won’t be in, for a countdown I’ll only hear on my TV.

“The lads will be on top form, full of quality banter and increasingly hilarious hijinks the more they drink. I can’t wait to not experience all that fun and laughter.

“I’ll give them a believable reason that they won’t be able to see through about why I’m not coming. Like a sinkhole has appeared in my garden or something. They’ll fall for that.”

Tom’s friend Stephen Malley said: “We know he’ll bottle out, but we enjoy taking the piss about it behind his back. F**k knows what we’d do if he ever actually turned up, the flaky, miserable fun sponge.”