EVERYONE who attended the society wedding of the year is completely fantastic in every way.
The marriage of Lady Melissa Percy and Thomas van Straubenzee brought together all the magical, shiny people in a dazzling display of wonderfulness.
Nathan Muir, an excited ponce from the Daily Mail, said: “William and Harry and Pippa and Chelsy and Holly and Cressida and Eugenie and Beatrice. And probably someone absolutely terrific called Zac.
“So shiny, so perfect.
“And look at all those dynamic young men in their beautiful waistcoats. I want to watch them play polo.”
Meanwhile, prime minister David Cameron sent an RAF helicopter to the event to convey the nation’s thanks to the guests for their inspiring display of easy self-confidence.
He said: “The wedding is at the castle where they filmed Harry Potter! Because that’s where Melissa grew-up! Because her dad’s the Duke of Northumberland! How fabulous for everyone concerned!”
Duchess Kate, the most brilliant and perfect of all, was not at the wedding as she prepares to give birth to the leader of the next generation of effortlessly charming superbness.
Helen Archer, a dreary unremarkable from Stevenage, said: “I just love how they are all so relaxed and easy-going about their inherited privilege.
“They really do have a natural gift for rubbing my fucking nose right in it. It makes me feel part of something very special.”