Ecuador to breed endangered nerds

ECUADOR last night took a major step forward in its plan to breed pasty-faced nerds in captivity.

With the acquisition of Edward Snowden the South American country said it would introduce the NSA whistleblower to its prize Assange as soon as possible.

Ecuador has kept the Assange in its London embassy for over a year, waiting for the emergence of a renegade computer geek of sufficient quality.

A spokesman said: “Whistleblowing nerds are very paranoid and so they will need to sniff each other for a few days.

“Once they’re convinced that neither is an android, then hopefully they will start to become sexual.

“In order to breed them we do need to turn one of them into a woman. But presumably Wikileaks can get access to secret CIA instructions on how to do that.

“And then we’ll be able to churn out nerdy, anti-establishment whistleblowers at will.”

Asked what the country would do with its growing army of nerds, the spokesman said: “We haven’t really thought that far ahead.”

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50 Shades director reveals Benny Hill-style vision

50 Shade of Grey director Sam Taylor-Johnson has promised fans the film will have a ‘Benny Hill vibe’.

She said: “As Benny Hill proved, sexiness always works best when combined with madcap comedy and frenetic saxophone music.”

Taylor-Johnson hopes to cast a portly, middle-aged man with round spectacles in the role of Christian Grey.

The director added: “We’re secured the music rights to Yakety Sax which will work perfectly for when he’s chasing the naked lady through his sex dungeon in a climactic slapstick chase.

“At one point they disappear behind a torture contraption, then come out on the other side with her chasing him in a brilliant switcheroo gag.”