Theatre groups to remind Britain why they are the first things to be cut

THEATRE groups across Britain will unite this weekend to remind taxpayers exactly why they are being cut.

Shakespeare would be making films

Amateurs and professionals who fail to see how embarrassing the whole thing is will perform a series of specially written short plays that they think contain a powerful message.

Wayne Hayes, creative director of the Maya Angelou Players in Stevenage, said: “Theatre brings communities together and injects life directly into their hearts like a massive hypodermic filled with feelings.

“The seven people who turned up to our last performance of Steven Berkoff’s Faces from Rwanda are the real heroes.”

But Bill McKay, a taxpayer from Stevenage said: “I took this girl I’m trying to fuck to see Faces from Rwanda. I left half way through and went home for a wank.

“It was a splendid evening.”

Helen Archer, from Finsbury Park, said: “The last time I went to the theatre I just kept asking myself ‘what do they think they’re doing?

“Do they not know I’m here? Because if they did there is no way they would be doing this.

“I just kept thinking, ‘absolutely everyone in this building needs to go home and watch television immediately’.”

Martin Bishop, who has been unable to enter a theatre since seeing a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream set in an immigration centre, said: “I love it when famous actors criticise the cuts but then can’t quite seem to go far enough to criticise the massive salaries of bankers.

“It’s odd isn’t it?”