THE United Nations security council has paved the way for air strikes against Chris Moyles.
The international community has grown increasingly concerned for the civilian population of Britain as it is brutally hosed down with a stream of horseshit that appears to have started some time before the invention of radio.
A whole generation of Britons have grown up only knowing Radio 1 as the mouthpiece for Moyles instead of the mediocre vehicle for the likes of Simon Bates it once was.
A UN spokesman said “Some say charities will benefit from this broadcast, but to paraphrase the gospel of St Matthew, what does it profit a charity if they gain millions of quid and it inflates the ego of some ghastly northern ballbag?
“I’m sure if you relayed the broadcast to an Ethiopian famine relief centre, explaining that the radio stays on while the rice gets delivered, they’d kick you out before you had enough for a half-decent risotto.”
A no-broadcast zone was ratified by the UN late yesterday evening, with France abstaining to vote on the grounds that their own national radio is so indescribably awful it would reek of hypocrisy.
Sources suggest that Moyles is already planning to escape to either Venezuala or Channel 4 where he has been offered another inexplicable run of unfiltered gobshiting.
But Moyles has remained defiant, insisting “The plot to topple me has been hatched by teenaged dissidents taking hallucinogenic pills that make them think Comedy Dave isn’t funny.
“But I will continue to broadcast, house by house, room by room, and I will show no pity. No mercy. Now, here’s Jessie J with ‘Price Tag’.”
