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Most popular dog names are now hippy bullshit

DOGS that do not know any better are being called Luna, Milo and Bella instead of good honest dog names like Rover, Rex and Tyson. 

Owners of dogs are shirking their clear responsibility to give a dog the name of a dog and are instead giving them not only human names but poncey human names.

Francesca Johnson of the RSPCA said: “What kind of fuzz-headed fool would call a Staffordshire bull terrier Bella? And yet numerous dickheads have.

“Your dog is not an influencer, nor is an influencer someone to aspire to be. But otherwise responsible owners are out here calling their Jack Russells Lola, Poppy, and Daisy when those are Love Island contestants at best and most likely have an OnlyFans.

“If your dog could choose his name, would he go with Teddy? No. If he knew you were calling him that, would he deliberately shit on the carpet? Yes. So stop your skunk-addled naming policies and get serious.

“Acceptable names are Lucky, Patch, Spot, Fido, Lassie, or Whiskey. If you’re talking about your dog in the workplace and people think you’re referring to a child or a sexual partner, you f**ked up.”

Four-year-old Rottweiler Tyson said: “Mine’s a proper dog’s name. That boxer bloke? Named after me.”