STRICTLY Come Dancing is back, and with it a host of contestants who have been awarded fame without your consent. Who the bloody hell is that supposed to be?
Wayne Hayes, forester: “Danny Dyer? That’s not Danny Dyer. What do you mean there’s a girl one?”
Emma Bradford, florist: “Ah, that’s Stacey Slater, that’s Mack Boyd. Their real names? Come on now. That’s unfair.”
Denys Finch Hatton, flautist: “I’m seeing Dame Stella Rimington, Stormzy, Sir Salman Rushdie and the late Bella Emberg. Why disabuse me?”
Mary Fisher, flooring specialist: “Isn’t that our Dawn’s eldest? When did he get famous? Oh, he was in a viral clip of two men dancing on a Tube platform in June? Bit too good for this then.”
Tom Logan, floor manager: “I’m watching underground Strictly. Huw Edwards, Gregg Wallace, Pip Schofield, Russell Brand and Katie Hopkins foxtrotting around a disused car park in Basingstoke before a baying crowd.”
