Wolf that blows down little pigs' houses gets own show on Channel 5

BIG bad wolves that can blow down little pigs houses are to get their own fly on the wall style documentaries on Channel 5.

The show will be an attempt to humanise what the wolves do and make the pigs look like little pariahs.

A Channel 5 spokesman said: “We’ve done a great job humanising bailiffs over the last few years so we’re hoping for the same effect with the big bad wolf.

“Obviously when I say we’ve helped to humanise bailiffs, I mean for some reason we’ve tried our best to humanise bailiffs and it hasn’t worked because to be a bailiff you have to have certain personality traits that make you completely repulsive to the rest of society, but we’ve gave it our best shot.

Big Bad Wolf, Nathan Muir added, “A lot like a bailiff, I get no great pleasure from what I do.”

“Actually that’s a lie. I fucking love doing this and just like a bailiff, I love the thought of really screwing some poor bastard over.

“Which could be a good title for the show actually.”

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'Naughty list' is clearly bullshit, say children

CHILDREN who have been little shits all year know full well they will get presents anyway, it has been confirmed.

Six-year-old Tom Hollis, who was deeply unpleasant for the whole of 2017 was delighted to find at least eight gifts in his stocking on Christmas morning.

He said: “My parents kept saying, if I wasn’t good Santa wouldn’t bring me any presents – just big lumps of coal. What a lot of bollocks.

“And it’s not just me. My mate Dave set his Christmas tree on fire and still got a remote control car and Milly Howard from my class said ‘fuck’ three times and Santa gave her an iPad.

“But my parents said that this year, Santa really and truly won’t bring me any presents if I am naughty.

“Yeah, whatever. There are no consequences, yt will all be brilliant. Just like that fat, blond haired man on the telly said.”