Child’s letter to Santa ‘f**king useless’

A CHILD’S letter to Santa is full of insane shit and contains nothing within the right price range, his parents have revealed.

Six-year-old Henry Booker’s list includes a live cheetah, a Nintendo Switch and a jet ski, none of which his parents are prepared to buy.

Father, Tom Booker, said: “He has actually written ‘zip line – like in the park’. Is he an idiot?

“Santa himself, even if it wasn’t just me operating on a tight budget, would balk at this ill-considered mess. Why couldn’t he ask the magical man at the North Pole for something within the £30-£50 range that he’ll play with for more than 90 minutes? Help us out here.

“Even the stuff that’s actually viable is wildly optimistic. He’s shown no interest in videogames whatsoever, so the idea that I’d drop £300 on the latest console is frankly batshit.”

Booker added: “Surprisingly ‘poison gun’ isn’t on the Top 10 Toys of 2018. They’re not in commercial production, as yet.”