Woman thrown out of arthouse cinema for eating huge bag of Revels

A WOMAN has been banned from her local arthouse cinema for eating a big bag of Revels.

22-year-old Susan Traherne took the offending chocolate treat into an evening showing of Dheepan in Leicester, despite knowing it was a Palme d’Or winner about survivors of the Sri Lankan civil war.

Film-lover Tom Logan said: “I heard rustling, but wrongly assumed she was making notes about the symbolism of the recurring elephants.

“I looked round and saw her stuffing Revels into her mouth like she was watching Fast & Furious at a multiplex.

“Her horrendous gnashing meant I could hardly hear the muttered, deliberately mundane dialogue.”

He added: “It ruined the film for me, making it seem really long, slow and boring. And I shall be writing to ‘Revels’.”

Traherne said: “What am I supposed to eat in there? An avocado?”

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People who earn f**k-all blasted for paying no tax

LOW-EARNERS are facing criticism for making practically no contribution to taxation when compared to the extremely rich. 

Anyone earning less than £10,000 is effectively defrauding the state by paying zero income tax, according to a report from a leading think-tank.

Multi-millionaire Julian Cook said: “There are families of four paying less income tax over a decade than I pay on a drinks bill. It is an injustice.

“I’m paying corporate tax, stamp duty, capital gains tax, and council tax on no less than 16 different properties, and all they contribute is a smidgeon of VAT?

“I’m not victimising the poor. I just want them to pay their fair share.”

Security guard Wayne Hayes said: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll try to pay more, sir.

“Please don’t remove your wealth from our economy, sir.”