ACTION movies have a reputation for lazy female stereotypes, but that’s unfair because some women have a name and don’t just scream. Here are the signs you might be one.
You can pick a lock
With a cry of ‘Step aside boys’, a hairclip whipped from your blonde tresses is enough to get you out of any sticky situation. Have you learnt a skill for any other reason than to make surprised men say ‘Woah, she’s good!’ when you show it off? Don’t be silly.
You’re wearing tiny shorts
Men may be encased in body armour, but for you spandex offers way more protection in combat situations. Look at the Royal Marines – head-to-toe in lycra.
You have a strange skillset
You can fly a plane, identify ancient artefacts from any culture and remove snake venom, which you just happened to learn as a medic in Iraq. It’s pretty weird considering most people just do the one career, eg. accountancy. Still, they do say women are better at multitasking.
You have access to constant makeup touch-ups
Despite arduous days in a jungle, desert or ruined city under siege from extraterrestrials, you’ve managed to keep that lip liner pristine. You may have sweated once or twice, but only to create dewy cleavage. Under-boob swampiness is an alien concept.
You can distract enemies with your feminine wiles
Anyone who’s been in a fight to the death knows that the conflict will instantly end if everyone’s distracted by a smile from a pretty lady. Really you could do a lot more good working for the UN.
You have to get changed next to the hero
At some point you’ll have to swap the tiny shorts for something sophisticated like a revealing ballgown. For some reason, the only place you can do this is right next to the hero. He’ll nobly turn away, of course, but that doesn’t mean the camera can’t do a prolonged close-up on your bra coming off. (Obviously the hero will be amazed by a hot woman transforming into a hot woman in different clothes.)
You know martial arts
Including the physics-defying move of kicking a 250lb man with enough force to make him fly across the room. It’s not a lazy way of making fight scenes more plausible, you’re just really good at it.
You get kidnapped
For the finale of the film, you’ve been captured by the bad guys. Don’t worry if you die, you’ll be a great revenge plot device for the sequel.
