TROUBLED sloth-wear vendor JJB Sports is to market its goods at sporty people.
Since its formation in 1971, JJB has built a nationwide network of stores servicing the tracksuit needs of idle people and petty criminals.
However recent changes to the benefits system and a clampdown on the sort of thefts where the loot is taken straight to a cash-exchange shop have eroded its core customer base.
A JJB spokesman said: “The idea came during a crisis meeting when an executive asked where the word ‘sports’ in JJB Sports came from.
“It’s actually the surname of Jeremy John Brian Sports, the chain’s beloved, long-deceased founder who designed the original ‘tracksuit bottoms’.
“Back in the 70s television channels were called ‘tracks’, hence ‘tracksuit’ was the name Mr Sports gave to his lightweight television-watching trousers.
“But by pure coincidence, the type of breathable, shiny leisure-cum-burglary-wear we sell is quite well-suited to sports like running or tennis.”
He added: “The new message is, our clothes aren’t just great for telly, robbing or sitting outside Wetherspoons smoking skunk while repeatedly pulling your terrier’s lead so hard its front legs leave the ground. You can do sport in them.
“Our only problem now is that no-one except middle class children or retired dentists really does any physical activity.”