AIRPORTS are to minimise delays by searching your insides while you eat, shop and go to the lavatory.
In a bid to foil terrorists, air passengers will be ushered quickly into the departure lounge where they will experience a seamless internal examination while making full use of the airport’s facilities.
A Heathrow airport spokesman said: “You’ll be able to enjoy your pre-flight drink or snack while the busy fingers of our security staff go to town on your bottom.
“You’ll also be able to wander aimlessly through duty-free as normal. You’ll just have a colonoscope hanging out of you which is linked to an iPad using a bluetooth ‘dongle’.
“It’s all about making sure you don’t get bored.”
The spokesman added: “You probably don’t want tubes and fingers in you while you’re doing the toilet, so we’ll use that time to give you a full-body x-ray.
“Hopefully the machine won’t inadvertently irradiate your bladder, thereby turning you into a bomb.”
Air passenger Jane Thompson said: “Finally.”