BIG brands are all either irritating or demonic, it has emerged.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies compiled a list of Britain’s top brands, and found that they either have wicked schemes against humanity or adverts that make you want to harm yourself.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “In the ‘obviously up to no good’ camp you have brands like the Conservatives, UKIP and any fizzy drink company.
“On the arguably even worse ‘annoying’ side you have smoothie makers, fucking Moonpig and Waitrose.
“Interestingly Apple straddles both sides, being simultaneously annoying and evil.”
He added: “It is ok to have a favourite book or film, but if you have a favourite brand you are the worst kind of moron.”