A CITY banker will receive a huge uncapped bonus for his hard work shorting the pound yesterday, all thanks to Kwasi Kwarteng.
Joseph Turner of Chelsea was so gratified to see the unfair cap on bonuses lifted on Friday that he immediately got to work boosting his payout by profiting from Britain’s economic ruin.
He said: “It really was a budget for bankers. With the one hand they give us extra cash in our pockets, with the other they create the perfect conditions for us to fill our boots.
“Dumping the top bracket of tax was a nice gesture, but realistically that earns me an extra £55k a year. Piss all. Doesn’t even buy you a house up north.
“But a strong dollar, a languishing Euro, and the pound left naked and exposed like a Goldman Sachs intern on a hazing weekend? They know what we’re like. They knew what we’d do.
“The moment we heard my eyes met Mark’s, from Forex trading, and he said ‘Let’s drive that motherf**ker down.’ By the end of Friday we’d topped the bonus cap. By the end of yesterday we’d doubled it.
“This recession’s going to be so good for us. I must thank Kwasi next time I see him. Shame he was too thick to make it in finance.”