BANKS are to replace charges with fees in a major shake-up of ripping people off.
The high street banks currently make £10 million a day by charging people £30 for writing a letter telling them they are £29.95 overdrawn after debiting their account for the £30 cost of the letter.
Under the new system the banks will now make £15 million a day by charging the current account holders a 'fee' but, in a radical shift in banking practice, they will not even bother to tell them why.
Tom Logan, from the British Bankers Association, said: “Banks currently make all their money from harassing poor people and stupid women with too many shoes.
“It’s all rather jolly, but it is not a sustainable business model.
“By charging people whatever we feel like, when we feel like, we can earn millions in fees on top of the millions we earn in interest from lending out people's money to other people.”
He added: “It’s a win, win situation, but mainly for the banks.”
Meanwhile engineering firms have begun producing specially strengthened lampposts to take the weight of dozens of bank executives about to be strung up by seething, blood-thirsty mobs.